We’re all chanting it, “Love yourself!”, but it’s easier said than done. It takes a lot of processes, inner work and even outer work. For me, I have struggled for years and when I finally did it, it was the best feeling in the world.
But what kind of self-love am I talking about? Do I have body issues? No. I don’t. It’s more of me loving myself for the choices that I have done in my life. Apparently, there is this little “shadow” inside of me that is not proud of me.
“I could have been a lawyer.” That’s what my “little me” would say. “You could be earning more than what you do right now. You should be part of the top law firm in the country by now. You should… could…” the list goes on.
I really don’t know why that little me is disappointed in me. I mean, look at me. I am a plus size fashion designer and I am having a great time. It is rare to see passion, business and friendship all merge into one beautiful life cocktail. I’m not going to pass on that. But I often wonder why this “little me” would always berate me with these things.
But, after a lot of reflection, I have realized that this “little me” is just concerned about me. We always want something better for ourselves and we can’t help to always see a better/alternate future of what we have now. Truth is, I explained to “little me”, even if I did take her route, there’s also no guarantee that I could have achieved all those things that she said. Maybe when I am there, she would then say, “You could have been a plus size fashion designer right now.”
So instead of shunning that “shadow” of mine, I have learned to embrace it. And after a lot of crying and begging, I have finally articulated what I wanted from my “little me” --- “I need you to be proud of me.” At the end of the day, all the validation that I really cared about was with myself. Like a real one --- something so deep from my core that it changes everything.
And finally, “little me” gave in. She was finally proud of me, concluding my battle for “self-love”. After that, I felt better, clearer and braver to be more spiritually naked about life.
Erzullie is a fierce plus size fashion designer brand from the Philippines dedicated to serving the style of the empowered Erzulliesta. Shop online: www.erzullie.com
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