I want to share something. I have lost friends over the years mainly because the connection is gone or it's just that I can't handle it anymore.
And the great adage "you are who you hang out with" has been passed on to every generation because it is a plain and simple truth about our human existence --- we are our friends.
That's why it is a hard pill to swallow at times when you see a friend that you used to love so much, hang out a lot and have a lot of laughs and tears --- become a stranger to you because of one moment --- probably a very bad decision that they have made that made you feel betrayed or you just know "you can't ride with".
Which is a big problem with me of course because I am a big believer of loving the person unconditionally. And that phrase is tricky because the essence of the whole thing is that you should love the person --- no matter what.
And Berna has seen me go through all these heartbreaks from friends that I have dedicated myself to only to find out that they were only there for the good times.
It's poison really. But how can such a beautiful thing --- unconditional love --- get us in so much trouble?
We will get to that next time. I really want to focus on the fact that "we are our friends --- are we?"
So now, I am at that moment again. A moment wherein a friend of mine has made a specific life decision that I just can't ride with. I respect her decision of course. I believe that we all do what we do in our lives and choose things that we choose because we have reasons.
And just because other people may not really understand that reason... well it doesn't really necessarily mean that they are wrong.
It got me to thinking --- am I this person? I mean, we are friends and she just made that choice --- so is there a part of me deep inside that would choose the same thing given that situation?
And the worst part is that I know that I can't ride with that decision. I feel like that decision will just trap herself more to a situation that in the future, I am pretty sure will not be as pleasant as the current one she is in. But, she is my girl. I need to let her do what she needs to do.
(Okay, I am aware that I am being vague about the "decision". It's just too private. I can't say it. And just like Elizabeth Gilbert in eat, pray and love --- I won't go through with it.)
The thought of that terrified me. I am like, "Gosh. If she is my friend and she just did that, then it means in a way that I have the same capabilities to do just that. That's terrifying --- I can't do that."
But even more curious is that --- "Why am I obsessed with this?"
It struck a chord within me, for sure. Otherwise, I would have just ignored this completely and went on my fierce ways. But in my mind it has been almost a day and I still can't get over it. I am terrified. For my friend and myself.
Then it struck me.
We don't even have to be friends to experience this moment. We, human beings, are all mirrors of each other. Sure we cannot replicate what each may do because we are all unique and not-so-unique individuals (part of our charm), but we can definitely do a specific thing like other would do.
We can order the same coffee.
We can prefer the same movie.
And... we can make "that decision".
So the real issue here is not the fact that she is my friend and I am like her. The real issue here is that I know that I can do that. That because she is human and she has done that --- somewhere deep inside of me, I have the same capabilities.
But then, there is light. She is not the only friend I have nor the only human being in the world. The world, as I choose to see it, is filled with empowered plus size women who are able to make difficult choices and see them through.
So at least, in that point, I can take comfort with that. We are our friends, yes, but being an Erzulliesta --- I have variety --- which means I can be something else too.
Erzullie is an invite-only fierce plus size fashion designer brand from the Philippines dedicated to serving the style of the empowered Erzulliesta. Get invited: www.erzullie.com
