Feeling constantly sad about yourself and life? Maybe you are living the toxic life (like me).
To be honest, I was sad about myself. I don’t know why. So I took a 2 week break comprised of a personal retreat and a Palawan getaway. Personal retreat was just okay, but Palawan was filled with island hopping, great family time, amazing food and the people there are my kind of people --- funny ones. I just felt peaceful for the first time in a long time.
Back in the city, my man picked me up from the airport and we went straight to BGC for dinner. I know that it was only a few days, but it felt strange. I didn’t know why.
Then I spotted a group of people from my old college. I didn’t approach them, but I heard them talk about the “best and wildest (event, car, style, life, food etc.)” they ever had or “the latest about (name of person/social media)”. They were all trying to one up each other or bring another person down.
You’d think that’s a fluke but at the other table, I saw a guy get pissed off at the waitress because he wanted to be served first, when the family before him asked for the woman’s assistance first. He then added the usual line of “don’t you know who I am?” while his girlfriend sunk in her seat. (Honestly, even I didn’t. Sorry, dude.)
As I walked and saw all the high end stores surrounding me, I have realized that everything in my life was all about being at the top of the pyramid. My internal sadness was all about the fraud expectations that the culture around me has instilled in me. I felt that I wasn’t good enough because everyone around me was telling me how great they got it, and I made that as the standard for my life. But then I have realized --- how many of us really got it great? How many of us here are actually willing to admit that our life is just so “norm-core”?
That’s what I have learned in Palawan. Everyone there is just normal. No one was saying they were wearing, eating and living the latest, best etc. whatever. They were all just there living the beach life and enjoying the family, food, friends and culture. It was all about life itself --- the connection of the self with what you are doing.
And so right now, I am in the process of cleansing my life of its toxicity. It might take a while but at least, I know I am headed to a better direction. If you can connect with this, woman --- get out while you can.
Cheers!
Aries
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