Erzulliesta Em-Em Bunyi has been gracing our pages for quite some time now and although she was not able to get picked up for the 2016 roster of Erzullie Iconship, she has become part of the family. Light, bubbly, independent --- it's a big enigma for anyone on why she is still single. But then maybe being single is a choice and it's really the matter of being careful with your heart and taking your time to choose the right man who will receive your goddess-like love and passion. Em-Em answers those thoughts in this interview:
#1 What do you think of single plus size women? Sad or Sexy? Why so?
Neither being single nor being plus size woman makes me sad. A single plus size woman should be free to explore herself, other people and the world so I think that is something sexy. Being a single plus size woman is like being a public artwork that is free to admire by anyone, everyone. How cool is that? Well, I like the idea that being single plus size woman makes you live at large. Singlehood is the time when you can do anything, improve anything and learn anything.
Isn’t it sad if we put expiration to something that could last forever? There’s no reason to give up on love. I see so many love in different ways so I want it to experience different kinds of it especially that romantic love.
#2 In your case, are you happily single? Why or why not?
I am happily single, but to be honest, I am a hopeless romantic that’s waiting for my prince to come. I’m happy because I can spend my time with my family and friends. I can devote my time to flourish my career, study more, do my passion and socialize. The truth is I am still enjoying my alone time cause it is my break from so many things that’s happening in my life.
For me, singlehood is a phase when you have to explore what you really like for yourself, for your future and your future relationship. So I really explore the utmost of my core. But what keeps me happy is being hopeful.
#3 Are you now ready to open up to a new relationship? Why or why not?
I know I am ready if he’s the right person because I always prepare myself that someday he will come. I always joke my friends that I am ready for my future dates with that right guy, recipes that I’ll cook for him, movies we gonna watch, places we’re going, etc but that right guy is not yet ready--- though that joke is half meant. This is something I look forward with my journey.
#4 What’s the point in your life that you knew you were ready for a relationship?
I was the type of girl that runs a thousand things in my mind and somehow it affects my decision-making and my choices in life. I think when I turned 25 that was the time I trimmed down the things I want and need in my life. Thus, I realized that one of those is to have a meaningful relationship where I can experience that great love I have always been dreaming.
Maybe it goes with maturity, as well. Back then, I have things I ought to do and I thought I should just do it but then I realized that life is only a cycle— things we ought to do are endless. You’ll never be ready unless you declare that you are ready. It is something you can’t assert but something you should consider in a way.
#5 Describe the ideal relationship. Why these characteristics?
Right now, I think I’m fine with exclusive dating but somehow, I want it to be something that will progress to the real thing. I just want to be there but still take it little by little and carefully.
I’m crazy when it comes to relationship. I know I am the type of person that is so madly in love with love so that relationship should be romantic, spontaneous, and full of understanding and there’s a great communication.
Also, there should be equality. Before, I always tell myself that I should be the one who’s more in love with the guy so I could shower him affection but then learning that guys are quite different, I think it should be the same amount. Although, how can love be measured? (Hahaha!)
My ideal relationship should be fun, too. I think aside from being the typical partners in ups and down, what I like is that we gotta share crazy moments like travelling, watching movies and plays, dine, etc. I hope he has lots of energy to do all things that I like and the other way around. I wanna do what he likes to do, too.
#6 Describe your ideal partner.
This is tough because I have long list and most of it is quite unrealistic. (Hahaha!) Well, I always say that face matters to me for the benefit of my future kids.(Hahaha!)
Seriously, on the physical aspect, I want someone that I’m really attracted to. I’m very particular with hair and voice—that’s my weakness. He should, in a way, be attracted to me because I don’t like a man who’ll want and make me change just to fit on his standards.
What really matters to me is that we have the same wavelength, I could ride with his craziness and he can ride with my craziness. I want someone that can understand me with or without words. I want a partner that has his personal goals and goals for us and he’ll pursue to make it happen. I like a doer partner, not only someone who will just talk.
My deal breakers would be…
A man with no goals and ambition, close-minded person, egocentric are no for me. These are things that sure affects me. If he has no ambition or goals for himself, how he can create for us?
I’m an open-minded person and I’m really have diverse beliefs in religion, arts, politics, community, etc. Sometimes I don’t follow the norms and tradition.I’m a rebel, sometimes. I have weird fashion. I’m a plus size woman--- an empowered one.
How he could understand me that if he’s not open? Love is to share.
That’s why it involves 2 people in a relationship. What’s the point if he doesn’t knows it?
#7 If you are to meet your ideal partner, how would you like it to be? Why so?
I’ll be honest that this is hard for me because as someone who works for Film and TV production, I think, I already did shoot or watch the most romantic serendipity of meetings. It’s like this, whenever I go to bookstore I already think that maybe “the one” is here so I presume that every guy on that shop is a possible flame.
But if I’ll based it on a movie, the way Jonathan (John Cusack) and Sara (Kate Beckinsale)in Serendipity is what I like, meet and test if you’re meant for each other. I know in my heart that guy is somebody from the “stranger zone” and we’ll just have a magical moment.
#8 What’s the best kind of date you can think of? Why that?
I already plan this on my pinterest (Hahaha!) I want it to be exterior and day effect for safety reason. (Hahaha!)
Kidding aside, I like it a whole day experience with him. Hopefully, it’s a windy day and we’re wearing a very comfy clothes, shoes and we’re at the most comfortable moment. Maybe we could go somewhere we both do not know yet so we only have each other. He’ll drive and I’ll bring food that I cook for him. I want it to be intimate. Long road trip whilst we exchange playing our favourite songs.
I do not care if we get lost as long as we’re having a good time. On that windy day, we’ll fly kite, eat chocolates and watch movie on my IPad (so we could be so close). Yeah, something like kids will do. Nothing so serious and stiff.
#9 Are you still into being courted/ “ligaw”? Why or why not?
Well, I want it before but now, I find it quite not for me anymore. It’s like I don’t have time to just listen or watch a guy showing his best effort. For me, ligaw, nowadays, is like a show off and sometimes, it’s misleading.
The most uncomfortable part of ligaw is when the guy ask you if he can court you, if you say “Yes”, you’re giving him high hopes, when in fact, you’re just testing the water.
When you say “No”, it’s like totally disconnecting without knowing that maybe he’s really the one.
I think, the more applicable thing for me is the “getting each other phase” where you get an equal chance to know the person. Hanging out and communicate personally or even with the use of technology. And I think, I’m old and confident enough to know the signs if he’s into me (though trust me I’m no expert).
#10 But first, are you comfortable with random men approaching you to introduce himself and get your number? Why or why not?
Yes, as long as he’s not moving in a creepy way. Approaching someone takes a lot of courage to do so and so, I appreciate something like that. I’m now comfortable with it because I know, somehow, I deserve an attention from any people. Somehow, it means I had a good job on making myself pleasant in others point of view which ignites their interest and that’s cool. And right now, I appreciate man who does this cause they are the one who’s making ways to get to know you more.
#11 Are you into online dating or the old-school meet personally and date later type of thing? Why that?
Hmm... I’m alright with both but to be real, I’m not that comfortable with meeting personally--- I still get nervous. I’m more comfortable with online dating because it is convenient and I could open up easily. Maybe because I love writing that’s why chatting is cool for me. Well, I could work with either online or personal but for me it takes a lot of effort to do it personally, but of course, every date should become personal. It’s hard to date online cause either you fall for a catfish or fall for a ghost. Well, sometimes, it works but totally depends on the person.
#12 Finally, what makes you stay in a relationship? Mention 3. Why so?
If he accepts me--- my physical appearance, my idiosyncrasies, my beliefs, my lifestyle, my goals, my family, friends and my God, my total package, I know he’s for keeps. If we have the same goals for us I surely stay.
Most of all, if I love him unconditionally and he loves me unconditionally too... what else matters. I will definitely find ways to stay, maintain and nurture that relationship. He should accept me for who am I because everything in me is something I’ve done and all of it is fruit of my labor, decisions, choices and thoughts so all of it matters to me.
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